i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
