i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize