Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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