A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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