Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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