a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize