fuck your aforementioned shoe
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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