Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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