Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
My vagina is officially offended.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
