We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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