Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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