So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
