I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
