She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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