My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
