How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
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