Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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