i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
