Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
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