Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
