I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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