I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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