Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
