I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
