Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
