At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
im having a threesome with these popsicles
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
