dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
