He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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