btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Never joke about your clitoris.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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