Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Randomize
