You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
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