I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
