I am in a vortex of obligation.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
