OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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