So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Randomize
