Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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