Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
