At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
