swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize