I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
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