ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
