What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Randomize
