i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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