I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
