omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I could fuck to npr.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
