Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize
