I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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