There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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