he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
