and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
