Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
