i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
