ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
