Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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