Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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