can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
