i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
