your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
