there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
