I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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