she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Randomize
