Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
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