Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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