My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Shame - the story of my life.
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