Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize
