Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
is wine microwaveable?
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Randomize
