i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize