I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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